never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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