matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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