I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
