I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
