so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
