Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
