this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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