I just gift wrapped bread.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
