what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
