so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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