There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
