just come out here and I will go home with you...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
