the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
