Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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