A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
