No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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