Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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