They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
