opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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