She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
this hospital has no fireball
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
