woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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