So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
