Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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