so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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