dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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