Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found the puke drawer
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
