he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
