I am puke
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
