one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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