Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
