i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
