Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my phone needs a breathalizer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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