Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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