yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
