I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
