The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
