the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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