I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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