so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
