I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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