As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
