So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
