oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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