May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
