you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
