I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
