Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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