My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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