This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
