The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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