Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
