you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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