Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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