Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
