When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
