I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
