laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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