Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
