I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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