Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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