rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
