I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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