did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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