Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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