Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
