I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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