Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
