I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
