were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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