Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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