you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
should my penis look like a turkey
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
