Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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