i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
