On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
