that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
