if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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